Love, Heartbreak, Hate, Indifference & Connection to Spirit.

It amazes me how often people confuse the strongest emotions, love and hate. If you have ever been in love, you know that it's the greatest feeling you can ever experience. When you think about love the first relationship that often comes to mind is an intimate one. The idea of falling in love and being in love. It's a feeling that most of us spend our lives searching for, and when we are luckily enough to find it, the best of us do everything we can to hold onto it.

We often overlook the love that can be developed between friends. Personally, my worst ever breakup was with my best friend. We were housemates, and she was in a relationship that wasn't healthy. I remember seeing bruises on my friend, complemented by holes punched in the wall of our apartment. I begged my friend to open up to me about the situation, but she was in really deep, and talking to me wasn't something that was possible at that point in time. Domestic violence is really difficult to navigate. I didn't know what to do, but when her partner saw me talking to her, he threatened me in the hallway. He threatened to beat the shit out of me if I were to speak to her about his behaviour again. I spoke to my partner at the time, whose advice was to get out of the situation. So, without any better ideas on the table, I took his advice, packed up my stuff, and moved out.

This friendship was more important to me than any other before it. When I was overseas, we spoke every second day for an hour or two on the phone, when living in the same city, we spent every spare minute we had together, and had fun doing absolutely anything. Things were always funny, and I idolised her; I think she felt the same. I was so unsure of myself at that age; I didn't know who I was, and she was so precious as she gave me space to check in about it. She always let me know that I was ok. Better than that, she told me that I was special and that I was more than OK. It took years, but I started to believe her. She helped me believe that I was a decent person, that I made smart decisions on my own, and that I shouldn't worry about what other people might think about me, that I should look within myself for those answers. She introduced me to her circle of friends, who quickly became my friends. She shared everything special to her with me, and that meant the world. She promised to always let me know if I was behaving in a way that was stupid or embarrassing, but she never did, and slowly I became the person that I am today.

A few days after the friendship ended, I felt physical pain in my heart that wouldn't dissipate, no matter what I did. My heart was so heavy and I felt nauseous, like I would throw up at any minute. The feeling would come and go, but whenever I thought about what I had lost, it would completely consume me. Then a cloud surrounded me. It left me feeling empty and alone, and no matter what I did, I could feel the cloud around me. I knew that, by moving out, I had lost my friend forever, and there was a pain that came with that. I'd say the feeling stayed with me for 18 months. The last 6 months weren't as bad, but for a year, I found it hard to concentrate on anything else. I knew pretty quickly that I was in love with my friend, and my heart was broken.

When my first relationship ended, I felt the same feelings. They lasted for about 6 months. I'm unsure if this is a gauge of love or if it simply gets easier the second time around. I think knowing that the feelings would end eventually was the real saving grace. People always say "time heals all wounds," and I never knew what that meant until I experienced heartbreak. In heartbreak, the only thing that mends a broken heart is time.

Recently, I had a few people that I love break my spirit. I never knew what this expression meant until that moment. It's hard to explain to non-Christians, but I felt my connection to God shatter, and it hurt. Nobody can destroy a connection to God, but my experience showed me that they can break it. They can create so much doubt that everything you believe in shatters, and you are left to pick up the pieces so you can put it back together.

I watched a great TED talk from Dr Yoram Yovell on heartbreak, and the scientist who was giving the talk conducted a study on emotional wounds. The study found that Panadol is just as effective on emotional wounds as it is on physical wounds. Whether it be a headache or a broken heart, Panadol is effective. This research extends to the damage inflicted by emotional scars. They are just as severe and equally devastating as physical ones. Emotional pain is harder to diagnose, but it hurts just as badly as a broken leg or a migraine.

Anyway, the reason I started writing this piece was to share something that an angel once told me. She told me that love and hate are the same emotion, and the opposite of love is indifference. This has been something that has stuck with me for many years. Initially, I challenged her wisdom, staunch that hate can't be the same as love, but then something happened, I felt the feeling of hate. In that moment, I recalled her wisdom and realised that I was only feeling hate because I loved the person who inflicted pain on me, and in the same moment, I realised that it was my choice whether to feel hate or to remember the feeling of love that I had for that person. It meant that I had to experience heartbreak, but only a small dose of it because the person had given me good reason not to love them in the same way I had previously. To cure the heartbreak I had to move to indifference.

Indifference is the feeling of nothing. When you hear that the person you used to love is doing well in life, you can be pleased for them because no old emotions are attached to the relationship. When you hear that the person you used to love is saying evil things behind your back, you can push it aside because you don't really care about them in any way, shape, or form. All you can do is trust that the people who love you will brush off the lies and deception as quickly as you would if the lies were being told to you.

Brene Brown talks about love, and she says that love is giving someone the most generous assumption before speaking to them yourself. She isn't like me; she doesn't come up with this stuff herself. She is a doctor of psychology who spends years researching emotions, doing hundreds of thousands of surveys, and ensuring that she captures a sample size that will deliver undeniable results. I would love to know what she thinks about the idea that love and hate are the same emotion. I imagine it's something I could discuss with her for hours because she would have so much research that she could draw upon in her mind. I think she would instantly agree that indifference is the opposite of love, though. It's a no-brainer; it's just one that nobody else has really thought about.

Glenn Hall is a Christian writer and freelance consultant. Glenn has a fresh perspective on topical issues and a unique way of viewing the world.   With diverse interests, no topic is out of reach and Glenn will be sure to challenge your thinking.